How to Embrace Acceptance (and Why Does It Matter)

                My favorite part of talking with a variety of people is to see the underlying patterns that exist though the narratives and experiences are so very different. One pattern that has been very common is people not wanting to accept their present moment or their reality. Fair question, what do I mean as I say this – people get caught in not accepting the moment?  Clues that you are entering this territory are you noticing your self-narrative saying something like “this should not be happening” or “I shouldn’t feel this way” how about “I should not have to deal with this” – do any of those sound familiar?  The other classic example I hear is when people say “the problem is…”

                When we get in a pattern of using these statements, we get in a pattern of rejecting our reality. These statements do not allow for acceptance of the present moment and inhibit our ability to respond effectively. If you are rejecting what is happening, there is no good way to move forward. You would know this is happening by feeling stuck.

                When we identify what is happening as an on-going problem – not the problem is a leaky pipe so I will call a plumber, that is rational and helpful thinking. I mean the moments of the problem is I just cannot eat healthy foods, or the problem is I do not have the motivation to do this. When your narrative puts it as this problem there is resistance. We want to work on the wording – the challenge is finding the healthy foods I like, or the challenge is finding how to shift my motivation to this task.

                The most important part in this is knowing that to accept the present moment in no way, shape, or form means you have to be happy about it. Accepting the moment allows you to take in and process what is happening. From there you are able to start identifying options and choosing your choice for responding to the situation.

                Here is a simple example: you are on a drive a see there is construction and traffic showing up in your path. To reject the present moment, you would say “this shouldn’t be happening” and “I do not want to deal with this.” These thoughts lead to suffering and the options our brain will come up with will all be around just wanting the reality of the moment to be different. Not really helpful. To accept the present moment, you may say “this is disappointing, at least the pothole might finally get fixed” or “this is frustrating, maybe I can turn off at the next street” or if you are really positive you may say, “this is excellent I will get to hear the whole podcast/playlist/audio book.” There is an acceptance that the traffic and construction is not what you prefer, and you can decide how to deal with it rather than wish it away.

                Unfortunately, life can bring you unwanted events at any moment. It is in your power not to extend the suffering of these events by accepting the reality in the moment. Remember to shift from rejecting the moment to accepting what is happening and determining what os your best option moving forward.

As always – I am here to help, simply reach out!