Why Your Coping Skills Are Not Working

Top four reasons coping skills fail - that I see all the time:

1. Timing - using the coping skill way too late when emotional dysregulation is already too heightened to stay connected to the frontal cortex and the executive functioning needed to respond effectively.

Instead, specifically when clients struggle to notice initial signs of stress, trying to use regulation skills throughout the day, not waiting for an upset, but purposely and proactively maintaining regulation.

2. Expectations - I hear clients wanting the coping skill to to eliminate all distressed feelings. This is unrealistic.

A realistic expectation is if one was experiencing an 8 on the stress meter, than after the use of a coping skill, such as three to five controlled breaths, one would want to feel a shift to a six or five and a half. From there it can be decided if another coping skill is necessary or if an effective response can happen.

3. Variety - I see clients using only one skill which tends to lead to two things, the skill becomes ineffective or worse the skill becomes associated with stress and actually starts to heighten the unwanted response. 

A more effective approach is to have a wide variety of skills and have many of them being strategies that are also done in positive and neutral moments to improve mood and/or help appreciate positive moments as well. 

4. Technique - this is a big one I see when discussing breathwork, clients are not doing the skill accurately and thus the skill then does not work.

This is an easy fix, all that is needed is some guidance for how to do the skills accurately - literally part of my job!

 How effective is your coping skill practice? Any of these sound familiar?