The Purpose of Emotions

So many of us struggle with the emotions that arise not knowing what to do with them or not wanting the experience of them. Often this leads to avoiding or denying the emotion, which tends to result in the emotion growing larger or more intense. Others may spend time ruminating on the non-preferred emotion, stuck evaluating how you feel about the emotion and again just wanting it to be gone. What if I were to tell you that it did not have to be that way at all? It is actually quite simple, and you likely must break some current habits to make this simple shift.

                Most do not consider what the true purpose of emotions is for. We get stuck in evaluating the emotions we feel as good or bad and stop there. With a simple shift in your mindset, you can process your emotions more effectively and decrease your chances of ruminating or repressing your emotions.

                The purpose of all emotions is to provide you with a nudge to let you know when a need is met or not met. It may be stating the obvious, but in general when we experience what we would likely label as a positive or good emotion it is telling us a need has been met. That good feeling is reinforcing us to continue to take the actions that meet our needs. When there is a negative or bad emotion, it is telling us that a need is not met to bring to awareness that a different behavior is needed to better meet your needs. So, shifting your attention to question are your needs being met or not met rather than judging them good or bad will make for a healthier relationship with your emotions.

                So how does one make this shift you ask?  It is simple and likely the opposite of what you are unintentionally practicing. It begins with awareness. It may serve well to start with positive experiences and reflect on what need was met. This has two benefits, for one it sets you up to intentionally look for the positives – and what you are looking for you will likely find, and it brings your attention to the actions that are meeting your needs. The brain has a natural tendency to focus on negatives so purposely finding the positives can do wonders for your mindset.

                Before switching to the non-preferred emotions, I want to take a moment to define or explain what is meant by needs. This can be a physical need – hanger is real and when we have a need for food, we can feel irritable and when we meet that need, we feel a wave of contentment. Physical needs could include hunger, thirst, needing the restroom, needing rest, or needing movement. There could be emotional needs such as the need for connection or validation. Then there are cognitive/psychological needs such as mental engagement. An example when you are not feeling mental engagement, you will have what many find to be the negative feeling of boredom, (the need is not met), and when you do have engagement, you may feel stimulated, (the need has been met).

                With that, there is no longer a need to try to push unwanted emotions away or to ignore them. That will only make them persist as your needs are not being met. There is no need to feel that you should not or can not feel a certain way. The emotion message is not meant to continue to linger or grow in intensity. It is just meant to get your attention long enough to acknowledge there is an unmet need and work to identify options to meet that need.

                Physical needs are usually easier to plan for and I have many clients who are surprised how much they neglect their physical needs when trying to get their work done. A simple shift in awareness and their moods and mental state improve. Emotional needs may take a little more planning depending on the context of the situation and it is important to develop a good support system that can offer connection, support, validation, and empathy. Psychological needs may also depend on context of the situation – you cannot just leave a work meeting because it is not stimulating, (at least you cannot just leave without a negative outcome occurring). However, you can plan for activities in each day that will provide the engagement you need.

In short, you want to recognize the behaviors that are meeting your needs and utilize the non-preferred emotions to help guide you in areas where your needs are not met. There is no need to dwell on the non-preferred emotion once you acknowledge it. Instead use curiosity and explore what need or needs are not met and look for options on how you can get your needs met. Not only will this improve your overall experience, it will also improve your relationship with your emotions.