The Flip Side: Taking the Strength Perspective

Recently I was describing the process of interpretation as well as setting intentions for the holidays. Sometimes when we are getting together for the holidays – or any get togethers, we may have those specific people that are difficult to enjoy. Sometimes we receive uninvited criticism. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to see that difficult someone in a new light? Or to shake criticism easily knowing there is a beneficial truth or no truth to it?

I have great news – and as the title might have alluded to, when you take a strength perspective, you are better able to deal with either situation. What does taking a strength perspective mean, you may ask? It is somewhat self-explanatory in that you will be looking for strengths. It starts when we think of the scientific law of polarity - that everything in the universe has two opposing poles or aspects. Where there is good there is bad and vice versa. So, when there is a “negative” characteristic it has an opposing “positive” side. One classic example is when thinking of someone with stubborn tendencies the flip side would allow you to recognize that person has persistence – a powerful and wonderful trait. Just to make it tricky – there is also the dimension of is a strength being overused, (stubborn) or underused, (giving up, laziness).

Let’s look at the steps to apply this in your own life

First, think of the person you tend to have these interactions with – think of the details of previous situations and if applicable make a list of the “negative” or “difficult” behaviors.

Next, there needs to be some exploring of the situation – reflect on:

The details of the situation

What emotions came up for you at the time

Is it possible those emotions guided or influenced the interpretation of this experience

Were there personal beliefs or a value difference that influenced your interpretation

Are there any assumptions that you may have had about this person

From here, can we look at the whole situation from a different perspective – like a fly on the wall or an outside viewer – is there any way to view this situation differently noting positive attributes rather than seeing it as negative?

What trait can you identify being overused or underused?

Let me give some examples:

Kindness would show up as helpful and empathetic, an overuse of kindness may look intrusive or smothering, and an underuse of kindness may look indifferent or uncaring.

Honesty would show up as authentic and trustworthy, an overuse may look inconsiderate or rude and an underuse may appear disingenuousness or lacking integrity.

Hope would show as realistic, positive expectations for the future, an overuse will seem blissfully unaware or blindly optimistic, and an underuse would be experienced as pessimistic or negative.

Love is experienced as genuine warmth and caring, and overuse would appear clingy, mismatched with what others need, and an underuse would seem isolating or maybe unrelatable.

Assertive provides a balanced and direct expression of needs and opinions, an overuse may appear demanding or forceful while an underuse may seem passive or compliant.

Humor, when balanced, is playful and brings pleasure and laughter to others, an overuse may be experienced as inappropriate or offensive and an underuse may appear as stiff, boring, or overly serious.

                There are plenty more and I invite you to leave a comment if there is a trait you would want to pick apart for optimal use, overuse, or underuse. When we are able to connect with the strength, we are better able to respond to the situation with compassion and kindness.