Skills for Life Success

I was at a training recently and heard something that I found extremely impactful. During the training, the question was asked of what skills are truly needed for life’s success? Now the speaker went on and explored some possible options. What comes up for you? Were you thinking academics or specific academic skills such as efficiency in math – or in reading? Social skills?  I thought the answer was brilliant. The trainer went on to describe the two most important skills: ability to self-soothe and ability to problem solve.

Did that land with you as much as it landed with me? Think of how many examples from your own experience or think of how many people who ended up in a prison that likely would have had a different outcome had they been better able to self-soothe or better able to problem solve? Perhaps the bigger question is how do you feel your abilities are in the areas of self-soothing and problem-solving?

For self-soothing, there are two main approaches with many strategies for each. There is bottom-up activities, where we are focused more on dealing with body sensation and/or focusing on the body, and there is top-down strategies that focus more on thinking patterns. I warn top-down strategies are mostly ineffective when in a heightened state of emotion; it is best to start changing how the body feels and when more regulated, go to the thinking strategies.

Some examples of bottom-up strategies that clients report as their favorites:

·         Body scan

·         Progressive muscle relaxation

·         Burst of activity – (i.e. do 10 jumping jacks/burpees, dance to a favorite song, do wall push-ups, jog in place)

·         Do stretches or yoga, (it can be for under ten minutes and still be effective)

·         Have a chewy or crunchy snack

·         Have a hot or cold beverage

·         Splash your face with cold water or put an ice pack on the back of your neck, (I have also heard putting an icepack on your inner wrist -the nerve endings there are connected to the part of your brain that creates negative rumination)

Examples of top-down strategies include:

·         Challenge or reframe cognitive distortions to more accurate/effective interpretation

·         Put those thoughts on trial

·         Journal your thoughts/feelings

·         Brain-dump all the ideas in your mind

·         Problem-solve

Yes, that last strategy was on purpose to create a beautiful segway to also look into the step for problem-solving.  I will give the basic run-down and feel both these topics may need further elaboration sometime down the line. The main steps for problem-solving include:

1.      Identify the real problem - it is specific semantics here, if you are solving the wrong problem, you are not effectively problem-solving)

2.      Identify the possible options for addressing the problem – really think of every possible solution even if you are thinking you would never do it, this is a generating phase all goes for this moment.

3.      Review the options identifying the likely outcome and/or consequence with selecting those options – think it through what is the likely outcome or ripple effect of selecting the action. Some may have a short-term gain and create more problems in the near future. You want to try to find the best for the long-term and give yourself the grace that there are no guarantees.

4.      Pick an option

5.      Take action

6.      Evaluate the outcome of your decision – this part is very important for you want to reflect to identify if this action was beneficial with the expected outcome, if it would need some tweaks in the future, or if a completely different approach should be tried. You need not feel bad if it did not turn out, celebrate your effort for problem-solving and the growth opportunity for learning something new.

As stated, I believe both skills can and do need further elaboration and for the purpose here, I hope it gave you points to ponder. How well are you able to self-soothe and/or problem-solve? Is either an area you need to improve?