How to Master Your Mind

                Many of the people I talk with have a similar issue with how they are trying to master their minds. For them, they have been putting the focus on not allowing or wanting certain thoughts to come up. Do you notice this yourself? Do you think there are thoughts that you do not want to have anymore? So, you try in vain to suppress them, push them deep down, or try to not acknowledge them?

                The issue is this is not how the brain works. To be able to notice if a thought is gone, we have to have the thoughts and then wish it away or we have to think about the thoughts to think if they are present – same is true with a feeling or emotion. The focus cannot be on what you do not want.

The brain is likely to churn out thoughts at random and much of it comes down to habit. The idea is not to control the thoughts that pop up – this is close to impossible and the energy it would take would not allow for anything meaningful since all your time would be focused on controlling thoughts. The idea is to decide what you want to attend to. So whatever feeling, thought, experience that pops into the mind are free to come and go as they please and your energy goes to where you want/nee your attention to go to.

For example, if you are at work and unwanted thoughts about your performance or what co-workers may be feeling pops up, it may be best to focus attention on the current work task or what needs to get done at work. The worry in unwanted thoughts is not useful or an effective way to spend time.

Let’s say you are at home and have unwanted/negative thinking. There may not be a clear place to put your attention. Depending on time and context of the situation, there may be household chores like cleaning, laundry, paying bills that could be a more productive use of your attention, (I admit not always an enjoyable use of your attention). However, it may be time to relax or time to go to sleep and there is not an activity to help shift your attention. In these moments you can decide if this topic is worth reflecting on or if you would be better serving yourself by shifting your attention. In reflection, we think about a situation, think about what or how we would want to do it differently if a similar situation should arise, and then we let go. If you are just feeling bad about thinking of the situation, it is rumination and tends not to be an effective use of cognitive energy.

And what if reflection is not necessary? What to do when it seems difficult to shift your attention? You have many choices – not one better than the other it will come down more to personal preference.

You can focus on a mindful strategy – such as getting in touch with all your senses and what you are experiencing in the moment.

You can do a relaxation exercise and focus on sensations in the body and letting go of any tension that has built up.

You can connect with your values to shift attention to what is most important or has the most purpose.

You can connect with gratitude, working best when you give attention to what you are grateful for and why you are grateful for it.

You can spend ten minutes watching funny/cute/inspirational videos – best if you have a preplanned set to avoid unintentional doom scrolling.

The most important part to take away is that you do have ultimate control of where you choose to put your attention. The battle is not controlling what thoughts pop up but to get into the habit of attending to the thoughts that serve you. You can do it and it is that easy.

As always if you want help with this, reach out!